You probably noticed The Contemporary’s excellent new website launched last week and I’m sure you’ve seen all the articles about museum director Deana Haggag. What you probably don’t know, unless you follow her on social media, is that she has super-human bionic hearing. Running around Art Basel Miami Beach #ABMB (what’s a hash tag?) with Deana, Jackie Milad, and Zoe Charlton made the ridiculous air kiss, $20 glass of champagne, dog-and-pony-and-plastic surgery spectacle more special than can be imagined.
Sorry if this is redundant, internet, but I love Deana’s “Miami Soundbites” too much not to re-share.
miami soundbite #1:
“… his dad is mad because he named the yacht ‘Usher'” – Teenager at Art Fair
miami soundbite #2:
“There is no ‘I’ in Basel. Stop crying.” -Stranger, Female, mean
miami soundbite #3:
“I keep forgetting that Lena Dunham is a celebrity and not just someone who can’t afford to buy art.” -Anonymous Dealer
miami soundbite #4:
Stranger #1: Her hair was blue. Her face was ugly. One time, I saw her eating a croissant. Ew.
Stranger #2: I know! She has no business making art.
miami soundbite #5:
“Sleeping with Van Halen will get you nowhere.” – Woman in an elevator
Coco Fusco, Zoe Charlton, Jackie Milad, and Rachel Rabinowitz @Jack Shainman party with Nick Cave screening in background
miami soundbite #6:
“Miami is more fun if you speak Spanish. And are very rich. And skinny too.” – Olaf, the cutest and sweetest cab driver I have ever met.
miami soundbite #7:
“F-ck lollipops. They’re stupid.” -Stranger with no soul.
miami soundbite #8:
“I met him at a party for yoga mats.” –Paddy Johnson
miami soundbite #9:
“… but all the men in New York are straight.” -Woman who has obviously never been to New York (Overheard by Jacqueline Maria Milad.)
miami soundbite #10:
“Her sugar daddy pays for her life coach.” -Patron Unknown
miami soundbite #11:
“Last year you said you were going to go on the bus with the bear.” -Some Dude
(Overheard by Cara Ober.)
miami soundbite #12:
“… I think I’ve heard that maybe the ice sculptures are just cocaine.” –Michael Anthony Farley